The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
