You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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