this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
