I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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