we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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