I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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