It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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