Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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