hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
His nipple licking is glorious
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