Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
