Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
