You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
