i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
