If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
