Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
