if i can run in heels then i can drive
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
