And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
