Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
