how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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