I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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