She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize