fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
