This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
