i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
