he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
