I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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