He is like the real live version of the state fair..
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
