you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
