I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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