two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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