I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
