life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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