i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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