he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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