You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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