So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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