Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
