He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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