I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
