i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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