May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
