thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
