I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
