she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize