just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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