I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
