hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize