Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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