tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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