I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
