That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I lost the right to judge tonight
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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