You work out of a Hotel?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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