not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
