her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
