Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
