Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
