i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
