i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
