What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
