We named our party play list daddy issues
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
