so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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