ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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