I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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