Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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