matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
