I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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