i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
