I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
