So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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