You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
