I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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