True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think my moral compass just broke
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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