in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize