that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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