Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
