my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
