Nicole vs. Life
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
