Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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