i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
