Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
