I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
