ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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