apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Randomize
