dude i'm inner monologue high
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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