I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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