I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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