I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
