btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
