Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
