I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
