She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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