and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
