is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
