So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
