WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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