I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
