so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
