I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
