he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
