I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
