I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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