Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
no, he came in my armpit
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
